3 years ago today Griffin took his final breaths. 3 years ago today my heart broke, 3 years ago Adam’s dreams for Griffin were shattered, 3 years Grace lost her partner in crime and 3 years ago Everett lost out on years of memories with his older brother. 3 years ago my beautiful “perfect” family forever changed.
Does time heal? I am not sure how that is possible. How can something so painful lesson with time? A mothers’ love for her child only grows with each new day, so how can that pain of losing a child lesson with time? I guess it is more of adapting to your new life. It’s learning to carry the heartache, it’s learning to smile when it you don’t want to, it’s learning to start your day for your other children because they need to feel the sunshine each day. It’s learning to love your spouse in a different way. It’s learning to keep your anger “at bay” because it can be like a volcano ready to erupt. It’s learning that anger will get me nowhere but at the same time recognizing the anger because losing Griffin is awful. It's learning to not be jealous of your friends.
It’s learning to accept the new family dynamic. It’s learning to always wonder “what would have been”. It’s learning to snap that picture on the first day of school of 2 of your 3 children. It’s learning to walk into Open House at school for your new Kindergartner but know deep down that was the last grade Griffin made it through. It’s learning to love the hugs you get from Griffin’s friends and for a moment pretend that was Griffin. It’s learning to look at every move Everett makes to see if you can catch a glimpse of Griffin.
After 3 years, I guess we are still learning.